The short answer to this question is that there are simply so many decisions to make. After all, every day we are confronted with millions of decisions if not more, and most of them we are not even consciously processing. You do not think of what look to give every passerby, what words you will choose in any given conversation, as you don’t think of every breath you take. While some decisions get the chance to spend more time under the magnifying glass that is your consciousness like these words you are reading, in the end still the majority of the processing falls to an endless network of subconscious responses, neural pathways formed during your previous encounters, in this case with words, language, and lofty self-help endeavors. While there are objective truths in life, as any priest or mathematician will tell you, we each see the world through a complex prism formed by an interplay of our experiences in the world outside our skin and one within, each more complex than we can ever hope to contiguously understand. However, life necessitates that we go forward so in hopes of helping us on this journey I submit to you my simple thoughts on this ever so complex of questions.
First, is that the root of our dissatisfaction with our decisions that this question implies rests squarely between our ears. While we may feel guilty or upset that we have been misdirected somewhere along the way, the simple fact is that we are not born knowing, but if we don’t take responsibility for ourselves, work to understand that maze of associations, conceptualizations, and emotions our life’s energy is running through and accept that we have the power to change, we haven’t a chance to get on the right path no matter who is there to help. Meditate/pray, talk to friends and family a psychologist, priest or anyone that you can trust and above all do not fear openness and honesty with your self as these are the only paths to something better.
Second, is that we must eliminate our addictions. Whether it is to alcohol, drugs, a sense of satisfaction from exhibiting we are better than another or emotional dependency, the greatest obstacle each of us faces in coming to know ourselves and truly living well is false comfort. On some level we will always know that the sense of control we derive from these pleasures is false, and likely the greatest source of our unhappiness, and while I know this is not an easy step not taking it risks weakening the foundation upon which we build all other things in our life. You might feel you can hide these secrets from others, but it is for you that you should have concern as you are living a lie. To beat this we must first defeat our feelings of shame that fuel these cycles of dependency. Absolutely any human being can get caught up as you have. The reason AA and similar support groups are effective is because they affirm that we are not alone in our struggles, and that there are always people who will help us deal with these problems and there always, always are.
Third, is that we must let go of those things that we covet the most, namely, the material aspects of religion, politics, family and all other personal possessions that distract from the truths that underlie them. This is not to say that we must let go of religious beliefs, political views, or members of our family as those support and guide us more than anything, but that there is a tendency towards excessive veneration of the structures, the titles, and objects that we grow familiar with while coming to our understandings. When our associations to terms like Communist, King, Islam, Conservative, Black, Democrat, cause us to compartmentalize and lose sight of the people that we speak of, we have also lost sight of the truth and ourselves just as when we overly revere our fathers and mothers to the point that we can stop seeing their weaknesses, needs and their basic humanity. It is not wrong to have attachment to your house or car, but to care more for inanimate objects that you see and feel more than for people that die, because they are not near is a failure of our understandings and so much a reason as to why we find ourselves in this divided world today. This would seem a harder challenge to overcome, because while addiction occurs primarily in the mind, how can one fight what they do not see, what they have never known and often prejudices affirmed by those closest to us and most honored by us. To this, I think the only solution is to live with a fearless openness, to seek out and communicate with these individuals we judge harshly or revere excessively and let our shared humanity shape our judgment with compassion and not the great poisons of indifference and excessive want, for when we choose to turn a blind eye to any of our brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers it is only ourselves that we are truly cutting off.
What I meant to express with these words are not moral judgments, but steps I believe will help all of us to make better decisions and achieve better things in our lives. I know because I have spent so much of my life blaming others, not taking responsibility for my actions, allowing addictions and dependencies to rule my life, and taking for granted those closest to me, but with hard work and help from others I have begun to see the light and the error of my ways. For anyone who wants to discuss any of this feel free to contact me any time, day or night.
Cell: (248) 672-1739
Sunday, March 23, 2008
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